Wednesday, March 2, 2011

She's hot, but will he stray

If good looks ensured a happy marriage then the glam world would have had fewer divorces. However, that doesn't seem to be the case, especially with men, says a report. The study says that the presence of a glamourous wife doesn't mean that hubby dearest will not look away.

No wonder then that hotties like Halle Berry, Jennifer Aniston, Eva Longoria Parker and Victoria Beckham have had to confront a cheating spouse. Obviously, just looks can't ensure fidelity in a relationship. Experts feel that good looks play a minuscule role in the success of any marriage.

One of my friends, who we considered the prettiest among us, went through a series of failed relationships. Even later when she got married, it didn't last for long. It really surprised us all because we always thought that she being the prettiest of the lot would find it easier to find a great match and have a good marriage." So, while most marriages may begin with either of the spouse being charmed by the others' looks, as it progresses, other things like compatibility and trust become the key words. These things affect the fate of any marriage say relationship experts.

No relationship is picture perfect. Every relationship needs to be worked on." She further adds that there are various reasons for a marriage to fail. Not all marriages fail because of the lack of compatibility. She adds, "Yes, it does help if both partners pay attention to their appearance and not just take each other for granted after marriage." Men also agree that eventually it's the company they keep that matters. Says Jayesh Bhatia, a banker, "Men definitely will give a goodlooking woman their attention easily, but that does not mean that they are going to be faithful to her forever.

If that had been the case then none of the marriages in Hollywood would have failed. The reason can be anything from the husband having a roving eye to sheer incompatibility, but good looks don't guarantee a successful marriage."

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Why men love 'bitches'

Sugar and spice isn’t always nice. A dash of hot ‘n’ sour is what turns a bland dish into a gastronomic delight. Likewise, in the dating game, just being nice to your man doesn’t make him more devoted; at times you need to be the ‘bitch’ to walk down the Valentine path.
That, in a nutshell, is best-selling author and columnist Sherry Argov’s premise of her seminal books Why Men Love Bitches and Why Men Marry Bitches . “Men secretly respect a woman who is strong, has confidence and dreams of her own,” says Sherry. “They don’t want women who are needy and desperate for approval.”
So the key to conduct new-age relationships is: discover the feisty attitude “that will turn you into a diva from a doormat,” says Sherry.

Why nice girls finish last
Ever wondered why despite putting your best face and foot forward, and treating your dreamboat like a dream, he seems to go for someone smarter, sassier and sexier — aka ‘The bitch?’ It’s possibly because: »You are making it too obvious that you are looking to find a man and your happiness is dependent on that. »You are unable to be alone.
»You don’t want to wait for the right person. Your impatience leads you to rush into a situation you wouldn’t have chosen otherwise.

Do men like strong women?
The general consensus is that men get intimidated by strong, opinionated women who pose a challenge. But the truth is that any extreme is a turnoff. Whether you are the super aggressive sort or the dreamy, shy type, extreme behaviour signals insecurity. On the contrary, there is nothing more attractive than a woman who has dignity and pride in who she is. So to woo the love of your life, be someone he desires. And he can’t desire something that is too easily available. It doesn’t mean you have to be unnecessarily aggressive or too stand-offish. It simply means you must be in control and keep him guessing. Besides, never forget the golden rule of relationships: You don’t marry a perfect person. You marry an interesting person. And Sherry gives you the guide to be exactly that.

The ‘bitches’ don’t...
»Call or text him frequently
»Ask where he is or what he’s doing »Say ‘You don’t call me enough,’ or, ‘You never tell me you love me.’ Unpredictability is your asset. Don’t let your loved one decode you easily
» See a guy every night of the week. A woman who is easy won’t scratch his competitive itch »Agree with everything he says. When you never express your opinion, a man starts feeling bored
»Go looking for him or chase him down at three different places where he said he might be having a drink. To be his ‘steady’, let him come track you down
» Get mad when he doesn’t call you in four days
»Rearrange your schedule to spend time with him
»Be rude because being considerate is more effective. But doesn’t mean you have to compromise yourself
The bitches DOs

Walk the tightrope...
...between being intimidating and independent by being feminine, yet quietly strong. When you don’t telegraph or make obvious what your strengths and weakness are, your partner won’t be able to read you. And when a man can’t read a woman fully, he respects her more. It’s not about demeanour, it’s about self-control. A woman with self-control has power and men are turned on by that.

Eliminate the third angle
Worried about finishing second best in the love race? Well, first ensure you are the one he is amorous about. If he meets you and is crazy for you, other women should be a non-issue. If you are number 2 for any length of time, it means there are “too many queens in the castle.” Then, just walk out. Calmly tell him the relationship is “no longer interesting” and wish him luck. This resonates self-worth and dignity, and will blow him away. Often, this will get him to play straight and prioritise you. If not, it’s no loss. A man with a third wheel is never worth pursuing.

Be happy and positive
Value yourself and your peace of mind. Do not chase happiness outside yourself. Most importantly, try not to give energy to what others think of you; it takes away your power. If you feel good inside, others no longer can control you emotionally. This kind of calm and self-sufficiency is very attractive. Men are used to women who wear their heart on their sleeve and go crazy for the one they can’t control.

Pursue your own dreams
Focus on interests outside the relationship. He can know you care, but doesn’t need to know how much. Men don’t want to compete with other men for your attention, they want to compete for your time because you aren’t waiting for him 24x7. When he can’t control you mentally, or remain invested in your own life, you become much more interesting to share life with.