Why men love 'bitches'

Sugar and spice isn’t always nice. A dash of hot ‘n’ sour is what turns a bland dish into a gastronomic delight. Likewise, in the dating game, just being nice to your man doesn’t make him more devoted; at times you need to be the ‘bitch’ to walk down the Valentine path.
That, in a nutshell, is best-selling author and columnist Sherry Argov’s premise of her seminal books Why Men Love Bitches and Why Men Marry Bitches . “Men secretly respect a woman who is strong, has confidence and dreams of her own,” says Sherry. “They don’t want women who are needy and desperate for approval.”
So the key to conduct new-age relationships is: discover the feisty attitude “that will turn you into a diva from a doormat,” says Sherry.

Why nice girls finish last
Ever wondered why despite putting your best face and foot forward, and treating your dreamboat like a dream, he seems to go for someone smarter, sassier and sexier — aka ‘The bitch?’ It’s possibly because: »You are making it too obvious that you are looking to find a man and your happiness is dependent on that. »You are unable to be alone.
»You don’t want to wait for the right person. Your impatience leads you to rush into a situation you wouldn’t have chosen otherwise.

Do men like strong women?
The general consensus is that men get intimidated by strong, opinionated women who pose a challenge. But the truth is that any extreme is a turnoff. Whether you are the super aggressive sort or the dreamy, shy type, extreme behaviour signals insecurity. On the contrary, there is nothing more attractive than a woman who has dignity and pride in who she is. So to woo the love of your life, be someone he desires. And he can’t desire something that is too easily available. It doesn’t mean you have to be unnecessarily aggressive or too stand-offish. It simply means you must be in control and keep him guessing. Besides, never forget the golden rule of relationships: You don’t marry a perfect person. You marry an interesting person. And Sherry gives you the guide to be exactly that.

The ‘bitches’ don’t...
»Call or text him frequently
»Ask where he is or what he’s doing »Say ‘You don’t call me enough,’ or, ‘You never tell me you love me.’ Unpredictability is your asset. Don’t let your loved one decode you easily
» See a guy every night of the week. A woman who is easy won’t scratch his competitive itch »Agree with everything he says. When you never express your opinion, a man starts feeling bored
»Go looking for him or chase him down at three different places where he said he might be having a drink. To be his ‘steady’, let him come track you down
» Get mad when he doesn’t call you in four days
»Rearrange your schedule to spend time with him
»Be rude because being considerate is more effective. But doesn’t mean you have to compromise yourself
The bitches DOs

Walk the tightrope...
...between being intimidating and independent by being feminine, yet quietly strong. When you don’t telegraph or make obvious what your strengths and weakness are, your partner won’t be able to read you. And when a man can’t read a woman fully, he respects her more. It’s not about demeanour, it’s about self-control. A woman with self-control has power and men are turned on by that.

Eliminate the third angle
Worried about finishing second best in the love race? Well, first ensure you are the one he is amorous about. If he meets you and is crazy for you, other women should be a non-issue. If you are number 2 for any length of time, it means there are “too many queens in the castle.” Then, just walk out. Calmly tell him the relationship is “no longer interesting” and wish him luck. This resonates self-worth and dignity, and will blow him away. Often, this will get him to play straight and prioritise you. If not, it’s no loss. A man with a third wheel is never worth pursuing.

Be happy and positive
Value yourself and your peace of mind. Do not chase happiness outside yourself. Most importantly, try not to give energy to what others think of you; it takes away your power. If you feel good inside, others no longer can control you emotionally. This kind of calm and self-sufficiency is very attractive. Men are used to women who wear their heart on their sleeve and go crazy for the one they can’t control.

Pursue your own dreams
Focus on interests outside the relationship. He can know you care, but doesn’t need to know how much. Men don’t want to compete with other men for your attention, they want to compete for your time because you aren’t waiting for him 24x7. When he can’t control you mentally, or remain invested in your own life, you become much more interesting to share life with.

Heat it up, cool it down!

We tend to associate good sex with heat. We use terms like hot, steamy, scorching, searing when describing memorable sex. On the other hand cold showers, cold shoulders, and cold hearts generally aren’t associated with lustful pursuits.

Here are some hot and cold tips to spin your world on its head!
Bring something cold and hot to bed. That bag of frozen peas may not be ready to be cooked rightaway, but wrap it in a t-shirt and bring it into bed tonight.
- Ice-cubes are always there. Dip them in chocolate or strawberry syrup and enjoy licking it off your partner. You don’t want to use the cold to shock your lover. Be sure to wait until things have hit a rhythm in the sex, and then gently touch a less sensitive part of your partner’s body with the cold. Once they know what’s coming, you can experiment heating things up with your bodies, and then cooling it down with a more sensitively placed cold touch.
To heat things up, you can explore everything from silicone toys and glass toys (both of which retain heat and warm up nicely if you soak them in hot water before using).

Seduce your king tonight

Let your man be the king as you take charge to set the ball rolling for a night full of action.


Remember, more than your technique of seduction, it's your attitude that makes the final cut. What all you really need is to be able to arrest his attention and his body is all yours. You need not be a hot babe to seduce your guy, just try to keep your approach right.

Take the lead
Men love to be dominated in bed. So if not always, then once in a while take up the task of leading the action in bed and initiating the intimacy. If your guy loves to see your wild side then there is no better way than this technique. A house wife says, "I gave my man a surprise call in office and in a passionate voice I whispered that a sexy surprise awaited him at night at home. Then I left a note at the doorstep which declared, 'beware of the tigress' that I wanted him to find minutes before he stepped into the main doorway. I slipped into some revealing, lacy lingerie and lit up the bedroom using fragrant candles, rose petals and some instrumental music. Already expectant with the hints that I had dropped throughout the day, he entered the bedroom with a lot of expectations. My killing looks, a heady embrace and a wet kiss left him breathless and raring to go. I was pleasantly surprised to see my man enjoy me take the lead even in foreplay as I blind-folded him and seduced him." "Men usually take care of their partner's pleasure, but it should be the same for the fairer sex. If we talk about equality in all spheres of life, what's the problem if we expect our partners to be adventurous in bed?"

Tips for steamy sex

Looks have nothing to do with being irresistible in bed. Here's how to notch up your sex appeal


If Brad Pitt is asked to take the 9.55 am local every day, attend back to back meetings, skip lunch owing to work pressure and run errands in the monsoon, there’s all likelihood of his six-pack metamorphosing into a sluggish guy-next-door physique. Each one of us may be a sex God at heart, but very often, looks (we feel) play spoilsport and even before the tricks are out, the (partner’s) mood goes for a toss. High time you take charge and get the oomph score running with these simple tricks.

Dress to undress

The rule of thumb says, ‘The better dressed you are, the easier it is to have your woman undress you.’ To be the alpha male in bed, dress like one out of it. Think about it. If the competition is between a suave sharply dressed, suited man and a dullard who wears an ill-fitted T-shirt and baggy jeans, who do you think will win? Labour (hard) on your fashion quotient and you wouldn’t need to work on the buttons. She will be more than happy to oblige. And that ‘polished’ image will linger on even after you have undressed.
The light matters
There’s a reason why photographers say ‘You look beautiful when the light is right’. The wrong light can make a to-die-for six-pack look positively ghastly, so make sure you use it well. The power-saver white neon bulbs are great. Really. They help conserve energy and we highly respect your ‘Go Green’ attitude. But sadly, they don’t do much to flatter that naked look. For once, switch to gentler yellow lights. Putting them up under lampshades will soften their glow and the flattering light will turn on the heat on your so-so physique.
Body language
When you are gearing up for some action, the last thing you want is a spineless partner crawling around with a disinterested, fallen look on his/ her face. Stand straight, throw back your shoulders and walk like you mean business. Nothing is as strong a turn-on as confidence. Also, the slouched look only accentuates your flat tyres. The correct posture can go a long way to camouflage the series of fat faux pas that are sometimes inevitable. So do yourself a favour and compensate the lack of physical finesse with a dash of attitude.
Aroma therapy
Research claims that a man’s sweat is the most potent turn-on for a woman. While one wouldn’t want to discount that learning, such studies do not exactly hold true in the bedroom. A sweaty stinking you can never be a turn on, no matter what the chemicals say. The Diors and Diesels can give you a hand, but it’s no hard and fast rule. Just make sure you have a shower before you try to get intimate with your partner. A man who smells good, feels good!

Boxers & bras
Ask the marketing guys, and they’ll tell you how crucial packaging is. Point being, do NOT take the easy way out. Make your innerwear work. This is one department where you can have the maximum fun. Get those jock straps out and experiment with cuts and colours. If you are experimental, thongs aren’t that bad an idea (provided you can carry them off). If not, there are boxers — Simpsons, Batman, Popeye, you name it. Knowing what exactly your girl likes helps a great deal. Women have it a lot easier. Knowing the sheer variety of lace and nets out there, there’s enough for every occasion.

Groom for it
A clean groomed look is far more presentable vis-à-vis the hairy disaster men often come with. Yes, some women like their men with hair, but that cannot justify the Amazon on your body. Get bullish in the grooming department and put that trimmer to good use. You are bound to get good dividends after dropping the shirt.
And for your facial hair, either opt for a complete shave, or a two-day stubble at the most. The prickly evening shadow stubble can spell disaster for her skin. Get a flattering haircut to ensure you don’t look sloppy. After all, women (unlike men) like to work their way from the top.

'Sex-facts' you never knew!

Do you believe that your bedroom life is on an all time high, thanks to the immense knowledge you have about sex? Well, we bring you seven never-heard-before facts about the ‘S’ word, which are sure to leave you thinking...

1. Globally, lovers are having sex 139 times a year. The French are the lovemaking pacesetters, according to the Durex Global Sex Survey 2002, coming in at 167 times each 365 days.
2. Condoms are biodegradable — some of them. Lambskin and latex condoms are biodegradable, but polyurethane condoms aren't.
3. Sex-enhancing CDs are being sold for setting the mood. Try some classical options to rock your world: Shacking Up to Chopin, Making Out to Mozart and Bedroom Bliss with Beethoven are available.

4. Don't douche — it's not recommended anymore. Douching washes away the healthy bacteria in the vagina and alters the natural, healthy pH level. The practice can actually lead to the spread of infections in the reproductive organs.

5. Sex with a celebrity is the No. 1 fantasy worldwide. That's according to the recent Durex survey, which also found that four in 10 people have fantasized about sex with their best friend's partner!
6. Believe it – blue balls are for real. The discomfort is caused when more blood flows into the penis than out. The uneven blood flow causes an increase in the volume of blood trapped in the genitals and contributes to the penis becoming erect and the testicles becoming engorged with blood.
7. It could take eight months for a couple to conceive. So you might not get a baby off the bat, but the wait can be more than worthwhile. At least a year should go by before you fret about your fertility.

Get sex smart!

Are men more promiscuous than women? Do men fake it too? If these are some of the questions bothering you about sex, it's time to separate myth from fact


When it comes to sex, there have been far too many to-dos, what-to-dos and what-not-do-dos, since time immemorial. Half of these are based on realistic facts, but the rest are pure fiction. Unfortunately, due to lack of proper information, many relationships go awry. If you have been one of the many victims of sex myths, it's time to forget what you've heard so far. We separate the frisky fact from fiction and put these popular beliefs to bed.
Fantasizing about someone else during the act is bad

Get this clear before entering any relationship. Sexual experience primarily starts from the brain and not just the organ. And the brain does have a tendency to wander. What matters most in a relationship is commitment. If that's in place, doesn't matter whether you think of a Bipasha Basu or Brad Pitt while in bed.
Women are safe if a guy pulls out before ejaculation

Bad news on that front, guys. Men do not always realise when the ejaculatory fluid seeps out. This contains sperm which gets released and it's enough to get your partner pregnant.

Men think about sex every seven seconds

One wonders where this number popped up from. According to a research conducted by the Kinsey institute, USA, I4 per cent of men think about sex every day or several times a day, 43 per cent a few times per month or per week and 4 per cent less than once a month.
Interestingly, it was reported that 19 per cent of women think about sex every day or several times a day, 67 per cent a few times per month or a few times per week and 14 per cent less than once a month. When it comes to number crunching, both sexes are pretty much equal.
Oral sex is safer than its vaginal counterpart

Oral sex counts as sex as well. Hence you are not totally immune from getting a sexually transmitted disease if you only indulge in oral sex. As there is an exchange of fluids, diseases can enter your body through sores or small cuts in your mouth and throat.
Men are always ready for sex

One of the most prevalent myths about male sexuality is that men are never too tired for sex. Fact is, men are not robots. They get stressed and tired as well, and sometimes may just not be in the mood to have sex. Besides, they are driven by emotions too, which in turn affect their libido.
So if your man is not responding to your overtures, it doesn't mean he isn't interested in you anymore. He may simply not be in the mood.
Size matters

For the nth time, men, STOP looking down, because it doesn't matter. Instead, get a copy of the Kamasutra and work (hard) on getting the right technique. When you know the real art of pleasuring your partner, chances are, she won't even realise how big (or small) your organ really is. Give it a topping of love and get the 'performer' tag no size can ever help you earn. If all else fails, Viagra will always come to your rescue

The band-aid solutions (aka Viagra) to big problems (aka erectile dysfunction) are bound to give disappointing results. Instead, consult an expert, get to the root of the problem and have it treated accordingly. Moreover, if disorders like hypertension and diabetes are the culprits behind the lack of 'lift', oral medications can lead to serious side-effects. So save yourself from the all-knowing quack expert within you and junk that pill till you know exactly what you are doing.

After a certain age, sex is no longer important

The person who came up with this idea must have been a party pooper. If you are capable of having sex (and feel like it), just do it. It's as simple as that.
Moreover, the positive physical and emotional repercussions of frequent sex can even add some years to your life. With age, loss of libido is common, but factors such as hormonal issues, depression, communication problems with partner and anxiety disorders play an equally important role.

Most men are not interested in foreplay

Most women believe that men usually have one goal when it comes to sex and that is reaching an orgasm. But a lot of men have thankfully risen above just the orgasm and are attentive to the needs of their partners. In fact, men enjoy foreplay as well, as it helps them to keep the performance stress away and think about something other than their erection.

Great sex just happens

True. It 'just happens' once in a while. But if you wish to have a fulfilling sex life where each encounter leaves you wanting for more, stand up and take charge. There's no standard 'to-do' list that will work wonders for everyone every time, which is why good communication and mutual willingness to experiment is a must. That mindblowing sex will end with an orgasm in bed, but starts with a stimulating conversation on the couch.