Why men love 'bitches'

Sugar and spice isn’t always nice. A dash of hot ‘n’ sour is what turns a bland dish into a gastronomic delight. Likewise, in the dating game, just being nice to your man doesn’t make him more devoted; at times you need to be the ‘bitch’ to walk down the Valentine path.
That, in a nutshell, is best-selling author and columnist Sherry Argov’s premise of her seminal books Why Men Love Bitches and Why Men Marry Bitches . “Men secretly respect a woman who is strong, has confidence and dreams of her own,” says Sherry. “They don’t want women who are needy and desperate for approval.”
So the key to conduct new-age relationships is: discover the feisty attitude “that will turn you into a diva from a doormat,” says Sherry.

Why nice girls finish last
Ever wondered why despite putting your best face and foot forward, and treating your dreamboat like a dream, he seems to go for someone smarter, sassier and sexier — aka ‘The bitch?’ It’s possibly because: »You are making it too obvious that you are looking to find a man and your happiness is dependent on that. »You are unable to be alone.
»You don’t want to wait for the right person. Your impatience leads you to rush into a situation you wouldn’t have chosen otherwise.

Do men like strong women?
The general consensus is that men get intimidated by strong, opinionated women who pose a challenge. But the truth is that any extreme is a turnoff. Whether you are the super aggressive sort or the dreamy, shy type, extreme behaviour signals insecurity. On the contrary, there is nothing more attractive than a woman who has dignity and pride in who she is. So to woo the love of your life, be someone he desires. And he can’t desire something that is too easily available. It doesn’t mean you have to be unnecessarily aggressive or too stand-offish. It simply means you must be in control and keep him guessing. Besides, never forget the golden rule of relationships: You don’t marry a perfect person. You marry an interesting person. And Sherry gives you the guide to be exactly that.

The ‘bitches’ don’t...
»Call or text him frequently
»Ask where he is or what he’s doing »Say ‘You don’t call me enough,’ or, ‘You never tell me you love me.’ Unpredictability is your asset. Don’t let your loved one decode you easily
» See a guy every night of the week. A woman who is easy won’t scratch his competitive itch »Agree with everything he says. When you never express your opinion, a man starts feeling bored
»Go looking for him or chase him down at three different places where he said he might be having a drink. To be his ‘steady’, let him come track you down
» Get mad when he doesn’t call you in four days
»Rearrange your schedule to spend time with him
»Be rude because being considerate is more effective. But doesn’t mean you have to compromise yourself
The bitches DOs

Walk the tightrope...
...between being intimidating and independent by being feminine, yet quietly strong. When you don’t telegraph or make obvious what your strengths and weakness are, your partner won’t be able to read you. And when a man can’t read a woman fully, he respects her more. It’s not about demeanour, it’s about self-control. A woman with self-control has power and men are turned on by that.

Eliminate the third angle
Worried about finishing second best in the love race? Well, first ensure you are the one he is amorous about. If he meets you and is crazy for you, other women should be a non-issue. If you are number 2 for any length of time, it means there are “too many queens in the castle.” Then, just walk out. Calmly tell him the relationship is “no longer interesting” and wish him luck. This resonates self-worth and dignity, and will blow him away. Often, this will get him to play straight and prioritise you. If not, it’s no loss. A man with a third wheel is never worth pursuing.

Be happy and positive
Value yourself and your peace of mind. Do not chase happiness outside yourself. Most importantly, try not to give energy to what others think of you; it takes away your power. If you feel good inside, others no longer can control you emotionally. This kind of calm and self-sufficiency is very attractive. Men are used to women who wear their heart on their sleeve and go crazy for the one they can’t control.

Pursue your own dreams
Focus on interests outside the relationship. He can know you care, but doesn’t need to know how much. Men don’t want to compete with other men for your attention, they want to compete for your time because you aren’t waiting for him 24x7. When he can’t control you mentally, or remain invested in your own life, you become much more interesting to share life with.

Heat it up, cool it down!

We tend to associate good sex with heat. We use terms like hot, steamy, scorching, searing when describing memorable sex. On the other hand cold showers, cold shoulders, and cold hearts generally aren’t associated with lustful pursuits.

Here are some hot and cold tips to spin your world on its head!
Bring something cold and hot to bed. That bag of frozen peas may not be ready to be cooked rightaway, but wrap it in a t-shirt and bring it into bed tonight.
- Ice-cubes are always there. Dip them in chocolate or strawberry syrup and enjoy licking it off your partner. You don’t want to use the cold to shock your lover. Be sure to wait until things have hit a rhythm in the sex, and then gently touch a less sensitive part of your partner’s body with the cold. Once they know what’s coming, you can experiment heating things up with your bodies, and then cooling it down with a more sensitively placed cold touch.
To heat things up, you can explore everything from silicone toys and glass toys (both of which retain heat and warm up nicely if you soak them in hot water before using).

Seduce your king tonight

Let your man be the king as you take charge to set the ball rolling for a night full of action.


Remember, more than your technique of seduction, it's your attitude that makes the final cut. What all you really need is to be able to arrest his attention and his body is all yours. You need not be a hot babe to seduce your guy, just try to keep your approach right.

Take the lead
Men love to be dominated in bed. So if not always, then once in a while take up the task of leading the action in bed and initiating the intimacy. If your guy loves to see your wild side then there is no better way than this technique. A house wife says, "I gave my man a surprise call in office and in a passionate voice I whispered that a sexy surprise awaited him at night at home. Then I left a note at the doorstep which declared, 'beware of the tigress' that I wanted him to find minutes before he stepped into the main doorway. I slipped into some revealing, lacy lingerie and lit up the bedroom using fragrant candles, rose petals and some instrumental music. Already expectant with the hints that I had dropped throughout the day, he entered the bedroom with a lot of expectations. My killing looks, a heady embrace and a wet kiss left him breathless and raring to go. I was pleasantly surprised to see my man enjoy me take the lead even in foreplay as I blind-folded him and seduced him." "Men usually take care of their partner's pleasure, but it should be the same for the fairer sex. If we talk about equality in all spheres of life, what's the problem if we expect our partners to be adventurous in bed?"

'Sex-facts' you never knew!

Do you believe that your bedroom life is on an all time high, thanks to the immense knowledge you have about sex? Well, we bring you seven never-heard-before facts about the ‘S’ word, which are sure to leave you thinking...

1. Globally, lovers are having sex 139 times a year. The French are the lovemaking pacesetters, according to the Durex Global Sex Survey 2002, coming in at 167 times each 365 days.
2. Condoms are biodegradable — some of them. Lambskin and latex condoms are biodegradable, but polyurethane condoms aren't.
3. Sex-enhancing CDs are being sold for setting the mood. Try some classical options to rock your world: Shacking Up to Chopin, Making Out to Mozart and Bedroom Bliss with Beethoven are available.

4. Don't douche — it's not recommended anymore. Douching washes away the healthy bacteria in the vagina and alters the natural, healthy pH level. The practice can actually lead to the spread of infections in the reproductive organs.

5. Sex with a celebrity is the No. 1 fantasy worldwide. That's according to the recent Durex survey, which also found that four in 10 people have fantasized about sex with their best friend's partner!
6. Believe it – blue balls are for real. The discomfort is caused when more blood flows into the penis than out. The uneven blood flow causes an increase in the volume of blood trapped in the genitals and contributes to the penis becoming erect and the testicles becoming engorged with blood.
7. It could take eight months for a couple to conceive. So you might not get a baby off the bat, but the wait can be more than worthwhile. At least a year should go by before you fret about your fertility.

Express your love

How simple it would be if you could just tell your boyfriend/husband “I love you” as many times as possible during the day? Foundation for a strong relationship or what! Instead we think up of all kinds of alternatives to these simple words and end up by not communicating properly the extent of our involvement with the other person. Result? Your husband or significant other might be left with an empty feeling because he believes he is not loved!

So what should your attitude be? Whether it is you or your husband who is the person with the communication problem, remember that if you listen hard enough, you will surely hear the hidden meaning of love that is evident in differently expressed words, or actions like an impulsive hug that says much more than words.

Open gestures like giving of gifts, cards or even tears of joy can go a long way towards expressing one’s love. As will impulsive hugs and smiles of sheer joy. Most times it will pay to look out for these signs and appreciate the love thus expressed – and remember to forgive your partner if he does not reciprocate likewise by recognizing your attempts at conveying your love.

What you have to understand is that any outward expression of anger does not automatically mean lack of love. Listen carefully and you will soon get to recognize the covert language of underlying love that has eluded you so far. Stop looking only for negative signs that stand for rejection. Learn to look under the surface and you will soon know what I mean. Come out of the scary world that is a result of lack of communication or love – all you have to do is to learn to listen effectively so that you are quick to understand the power of love that exists beneath the surface.